Listening Deeply by Norman Fischer

Listen with full presence and with as few preconceptions or desires as possible.

Listening takes radical openness to another and radical openness requires surrender.

Listening is magic:  it turns a person from an object outside, opaque or dimly threatening, into an intimate experience, and therefore into a friend.  In this way, listening softens and transforms the listener.

Listening requires fearless self confidence that is not egotism.  It is . . . faith in yourself . . . to learn something completely new.

To listen is to shed, as much as possible, all of our protective mechanisms.

Simply be present with what you hear without trying to figure it out or control it.

To listen is to be radically receptive to others.

You are aware of all your preconceptions, desires, and delusions, all that prevent you from listening.

Listening is dangerous.  It might cause you to hear something you don’t like, to consider its validity, and therefore to think something you never thought before, or to feel something you never felt before, and perhaps never wanted to feel.  Such change in ourselves . . . is the risk of listening, and this is why it is automatic for us not to want to listen.

To really listen is to accord respect.  Without respect no human relationships can function normally.

So much of what we actually feel and think is unacceptable to us.  We have been conditioned over a lifetime to simply not hear all of our own self-pity, anger, desire, jealousy . . . our “adult response” is no more than our unconscious decision not to listen to what goes on inside us.

From Taking our Places: The Buddhist Path to Truly Growing Up  (HarperOne, 2004)

Dipping and Looping:  A Mindful Communication Technique

Mindful listening is giving your full moment-to-moment attention to another person with a nonjudgmental mind, and every time your attention wanders away, gently bringing it back.

Looping is checking back with the person to see if they have listened and understood the other person correctly.  Looping is a collaborative project in which both people work together to help the listener fully understand the speaker.

Dipping is checking in with ourselves.  We do not listen to others because we get distracted by our own feelings and internal chatter, often in reaction to what the other person said.  Just notice and acknowledge them.  Know that they are there, try not to judge them, and let them go if they are willing to go.  If feelings or other internal distracters decide to stay around, let them be and just be aware of how they may affect your listening.  You can think of dipping as self-directed mindfulness during listening.  Dipping is also useful when we speak. We can see what feelings arise as we speak. We may talk about them, or if we prefer, simply acknowledge them, try not to judge them, and let them go if they are willing to go.

So we listen and dip, and then loop. Listen, dip and loop. To listen and dip at the same time, we need to develop a skill which is similar to central and peripheral vision. Focus on the listening (central vision) and be aware of your feelings and internal chatter (peripheral vision).

From webpage, The Tao of Wealth – www.thetaoofwealth.wordpress.com