Join us as Myoki Raizelah Bayen describes her journeys to Green Gulch Farm and Monastery over the years--and her journey of the heart into the realm of Priesthood in the Soto Zen tradition...

"I first went to Green Gulch Farm and Monastery when I was 23 years old--early in my spiritual journey--but I could already feel the seeker in me. I went there both out of an interest to learn more about zen meditation and to learn more about organic gardening. I was there for 5 1/2 months--and I did do my first practice period when I was there--a 6 week practice period lead by teacher and master gardener Wendy Johnson. It was a bit atypical with less practice in the Zendo--and more practice in the garden. I loved that and interestingly, many seeds were planted there, including meeting Nomon Tim. 

I feel that the seeds were planted then for my recent ordination. I don't think that I was really conscious of the feeling in my bones that one day I would become a priest, but that became clearer in later years. I fell in love then with the forms--they are so beautifully done in the monastic setting--there is really that feeling in the Zendo of moving as one body because everyone is so synchronized and aware of one another. I still feel a deep connection there because it was the cradle of my spiritual baby. 

I went back to Green Gulch in 2018 and 2019 for one month January intensives (and, of course recently in fall of 2025.) I also went back once or twice for one-week stints in my 40s as my kids were older and could be left with their dad. What I love about being there is the opportunity for intensive practice. When you do it at a monastic setting, practice comes under the microscope and there is so much support for that there.

Hoka Chris Fortin was already my teacher even before receiving Jukai around 2016. I met her at Norman Fischer's Everyday Zen Community but got to know her better because she was just starting her local sangha there in Sonoma County where I lived also.

So, my path to priesthood was not sudden, in fact, I saw myself for years in my mind's eye, folding up a zagu (priest's bowing cloth).  As I sat with that, there was just this feeling in my bones.  As I started to talk to Hoka Chris and Zoketsu Norman about it, around 2017, they encouraged me to do a more intensive focus on practice, which led to the intensives in the following two Januarys.

Actually, I came back from the intensive in 2019 and said to Chris, I don't think I can do this. I actually turned away from the priest path for a few years.  I had an internal reckoning I needed to make with stepping into what Norman calls a fairly conservative role; in a tradition that has strong, strong patriarchal and hierarchical roots. I didn't know if I could say yes to that.

Also, soon after that I got my divorce, I left my job, a started a new career path...Norman said that time's when going through big changes are not times to decide to become ordained. So, there were 3 things going on that were really influencing me at the time.

One, could I really play that conservative role, Norman described? Two, going through huge changes in my personal life, and three, I wasn't in a place where I could just say yes.

In talking with Chris about wanting to become a priest, she had said that she wanted to give me more responsibility.  She wanted me to do a way-seeking mind talk...she wanted me to write an article for the newsletter...etc. I was saying "no--I can't do that right now..." So, I saw that I was saying no instead of yes to sangha responsibilities and if I couldn't say yes to those responsibilities, it just didn't feel right.

So, I decided not to ordain then. I just put it down--I put it down until I became Shuso--and, oh my goodness!  There was so much joy for me in supporting people on their spiritual path and making an offering to the sangha! When I had that experience, I went back to Chris and said, "maybe I'm ready!" There is also so much permission from my teacher Chris to be me and be a non-conventional teacher.

I love being able to offer teachings and dialogue play with perhaps different techniques for sangha, not to show them the way but to allow them to find it on their own.  I also love some less traditional aspects, that perhaps bring a feminine perspective, for instance, Chris' sangha sitting in a circle! 

I am so grateful for Nomon Tim's openness towards making room for all of us and our individual styles in interacting and teaching, within the framework of our Soto Zen community." I have so much joy in my path of practice right now!

~Thank you, Raizelah for sharing this picture of your journey--warm bows!

Now, let's join Myoshin Mari Ritalahti as she talks about her travels to her homeland of Finland, her recent monastic experience at Green Gulch Farm and her aspiration as she prepares for her path of priesthood.

"I went down to Green Gulch with a question 'do I want to ordain as a priest? or do I want to do a lay practice path?' Going down to Green Gulch was part of my discernment practice. In fact, taking the 5 weeks off and not only going to Green Gulch, a spiritual place of practice--but also going back to my Finnish family--my physical ancestral home, gave me the time and space to contemplate my path. I basically found no preference in being able to go to both, one following the other.

And, being at both my family home and Green Gulch really helped me let go.  You tell me where to sleep--that's where I sleep...you tell me this is what's for dinner--that's what is for dinner! Overall, the 5 weeks were a 'settling' for me without the need for planning or making decisions.

When I went to Green Gulch, I was disoriented for the first five days--having done a whole other trip to my homeland first.  Time zones, environment, etc. were affecting me. The one thing I could count on, however, was the schedule. I knew what I needed to do when and it created a very safe container for me. 

It was really beautiful in that regard and I realized how important having that container is, especially in today's world--especially here in the US--with all of this chaos--a place of refuge. To have these centers there for grounding--a core sense of belonging.  I realized strongly that I've been on this path for a lot longer than I thought--I just wasn't able to see it yet.

I had a moment when I realized that Nomon Tim already knew where I was going--just look at my name that he gave me (Exquisite faith--Subtle sound). I felt that there is this core of Buddhism that creates this container and this space.

And it's that container and that space that we need to take care of as well. We need to call in those ancestors; we need to keep this ritual alive because it creates that container.  You can feel it when you walk into these places; I can feel how our new Zendo is starting to have that energy. So, I went there because I just knew I needed to go there. I knew in my bones that it was exactly where I needed to be. There's a part of me where this has always been there.  And, it's been somewhat hard to accept because I was raised with 'science as God' on one hand--and then, my mother on the other!' I was always in the middle! 

My experience at Green Gulch was just to be in a community where you could see the power of creating these temples, these spaces, how healing they are and how much people need these spaces. Also, realizing that my wellbeing is tied to taking care of everybody else.  If I'm taking care of others, I'm taking care of myself. There is no self or other. Being there, I had no doubt that I'd be held. I realized that everything is important; doing the dishes, mopping, etc. is all equally important and needs to be done.

Intention to look towards this priest path that I'm preparing for, is for me, about continuing the lineage. When we call in the ancestors, that really calls to me.  I call it the faith practice--that deep spiritual place that you can't really put your finger on--and that is what really calls me to the priest path. Also, we need a diversity of priests, of ways of thought...There are many ways to be and to teach the Dharma. They don't always have to be stern and can be soft and gentle and light-hearted too. I want to be able to create a space in which everyone feels welcome.

We can hold on to the practice--and also let go. We don't need to hold too tight or too loose on these ideals. And that is what calls to me too!"

~Thank you Mari for your insights and your enthusiastic energy! Note: Mari is intending to sew every piece of her priest robes as she progresses on her journey--for herself--and also, to guide others as they enter their journeys; she is also our new sewing teacher!  Congrats! And deep bows!